Sonic Rivals 2

Actually a lot worse than before.


By Ian Dransfield

Well, at least it looks nice. Blue skies and all that jazz. It sounds good too, so long as you ignore the shocking voiceovers with all your might.

But dear crikey if Sonic Rivals 2 isn't just one of the worst things to happen in recent months.

You take control of Sonic, Tails, Knuckles or any of the other twats that were introduced when the Sonic series entered its downward spiral into shit, and race or fight over a few different worlds. Racing makes up the majority of the game and involves players losing nonstop until they either memorise the track or get a bit of luck, usually down to the cheating AI getting stuck on a wall or something, as they are never likely to mess up of natural causes.

Racing in Sonic Rivals 2 is one of the most eye-bleedingly infuriating experiences this side of trying to figure out why Paris Hilton is famous. We seem to have re-entered the 80s and early 90s, a period where the computer outright cheating was accepted as difficulty - now yes, the computer may still cheat its arse off in many modern games, but at least it does a good job of hiding it. This thing just rubs it in your stupid fat face and laughs. LAUGHS.

You spend the vast, vast, oh so vast majority of every race just holding right on the nub. Sometimes you press X. Sometimes you may want to invoke your useless special power just to see if it's any help at all (clue: it isn't, the computer has probably already won if it hasn't got its ankle caught in a glitchy rock). It's pure, absolute, complete and utter tripe of the highest order.

But still - blue skies and all that jazz, yeah?

Other than races you have boss battles - crap. And one on one fights - what? At least in these two modes you can actually win, be it through skill or the computer being so utterly brain-dead that you would have to be insane to lose. But still - a win is a win. And it's all the more satisfying against such a cheating prick as Sonic Rivals 2's AI.

BUT WAIT! ALL IS SAVED! You can collect 150 'not a rip off of achievements' cards! Each one with a hilarious little picture of Sonic or his chums partaking in some day to day activity. I was going to completely trash the game, but my eyes have been opened to the wonder of pointless rewards - they don't need to be combined from other games to form a total that you can then go on to share and compare with your friends and the rest of the world! No! You can just sit, alone on Valentine's Day, probably in your yellow-stained pants, looking at the 47 cards you've managed to collect. What a great system that is - it's definite incentive to keep on playing through the misery, that's for mega-sure!

There's some multiplayer in there too, but as I always say - no one knows anyone with a PSP, and if you know someone with both a PSP and a copy of Sonic Rivals 2, euthanasia is the answer.

Graphics Sound Gameplay Depth Presentation OVERALL
7.0 6.0 3.0 2.0 7.0 4.0

Awful. Sonic has taken another step down the ladder of life and now stands precariously on the rung just above the one reserved for paedophiles and Catherine Tate fans. Avoid it, and slap anyone who owns it - you have my express written consent.

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