Crash of the Titans
Does this adventure do anything to revive Crash?
Xbox 360, DS, GBA, PS2, PSP, Wii
It's a common thing, but why do games designed for kids have to be such utter crap? Kids aren't as stupid as they'd have you believe, and most of them are better at games than you are - admit it. So why do the games aimed specifically at them have to be such uninspired, repetitive, boring dirge? Well, here's something to not break that cycle in the slightest, as Crash of the Titans CRASHES onto the scene. Oh ho ho. And it's poor, poor, poor.
Crash Bandicoot has been going for more than a decade - this both scares me (I am getting old) and amuses me (I still find the name borderline offensive when only half listening). The first batch of platformers from Naughty Dog were a bunch of good games, cashing in on the 3D platform game revolution, but at the same time offering a decent enough experience. Since those heady days, Naughty Dog has said goodbye to the little moron and has seen him race karts, play party games and now hijack large beasts to control them in a half-baked design choice. Yay!
Players take control of Crash, who seems to have developed some form of autism in place of his usual whimsical comedy persona, as he sees something happen to all his friends. Oh, it's terrible I'm sure. What it ends up with is lots of poorly-stereotyped Jewish scientists running at you non-stop until you beat the crap out of them. I have no idea. Eventually you reach a monster, kick its face off and hijack it, thus taking control. Here, previously inaccessible areas become accessible and previously hard enemies become piss-easy. Repeat that a load of times and there's the whole game. Seriously.
It's been done a thousand times before, a thousand times better and CotT suffers because of it. It feels lazy - cynical. It's released just in time for the Christmas rush and it features a character kids are pretty familiar with. Bah, humbug. What they get from their friendly Bandicoot (tee hee) is a poorly-structured, poorly-thought out game that is sure to be too easy for them until it becomes far too hard, a game that features nothing distinct about it bar the soon-very-dull hijacking of monsters and some looks that come straight out of a budget PS2 game. Next-gen this isn't.
There isn't much more that can be added to that - it's a cynical cash-in, it's a poor game at best and it outstays its welcome by quite a long time. And to make matters worse, it doesn't even dish out the Achievement points like certain other kiddie games (SpiderFof, I'm looking your rubbish way). If you buy this for your kid, you clearly hate them. If you get this bought for you, you're probably adopted.